Two years ago today we lost Kerstin J. This afternoon we will be going to her grave, replacing the flowers with pretty new ones, and releasing two balloons. Its amazing how much time does heal. What felt like this huge cut has now turned into a scar. Time does heal. I always think of her during holidays and special events but after trips to the er with Killie I'm so grateful Kerstin never had to suffer the NICU, sickness, and even the challenges of life. Here is my journal entry from two years ago.
Today was the day! Chris and papa gave me a blessing of peace, to help me understand that this was all in Heavenly Fathers hands and his will would be done. Reid went home with Chris and we left for the hospital. In my waiting room I started to have contractions so they set up my IV and gave me medicines to help calm me down. The Dr's came in and told us that they might not be able to do the surgery today because they were missing necessary equipment. 1/2 an hour later the said it was go time. The nurses, anistisologist, Blake and my parents all said prayer then we hugged and cried and I was wheeled away. The OR room was shiny steel with lots of lights and a huge screen. I laid on my right side and was given a local anistetich. The first incision was made and I was able to see the amniotic fluid, little toys, and little babies, my babies. I felt the fluid rushing down my side and asked the anesthesiologist what it was he told me amniotic fluid. The doctors pulled out and the anesthesiologist told me they ruptured Killie's sack and they needed to patch it up so she wouldn't get an infection. The doctors were going in a second time and I had started to go into labor. I yelled because when the inserted the needle my uterus was contracting. the doctors told them to give me more medicine and i begged to the anesthesiologist not to. The anesthesiologist the whole time was holding my hand walking me through everything and gently rubbing my hair, he was my guardian angel that day. Unfortunately I don't think he knows how much comfort he brought me that day. The third incision was made and the cord of Kerstin J was cut. Kerstin was going into heart failure and Killie was following her sister lead. I was going into labor and had fluid in my lungs. When they cut her cord on the screen I saw the burst of blood, it looked like a balloon had popped. The OR staff cleaned me up and took me into post op to recover. The doctor went to talk to my parents and with almost tears in his eyed told them that they had to cut Kerstin's cord but that they were more worried about me and didn't think i would make it through the night. Blake looked up at him and asked when can she have a coke?! Blake knew that I would be okay and knew i would want a coke asap! The rest of a day was a blur.
I cant help but think that Killie and Kerstin J had an agreement of who would come to earth and who would be the guardian angel. Kerstin J has been a great guardian angel, she has kept Killie company in the NICU and helped her fight. Even now both kids still look up about the same time and Reid says sisters in the room flying! Yes, I believe in angels.
